Assertive speech rules
The rules of assertive expression
There are some simple rules that will help us make our speech assertive:
The expression law-
Its meaning is to always express everything you want and feel, only that you don't hurt the other.
The law of focus-
When we express ourselves, the most important emphasis is to keep the focus on us. That is, if someone yells at us, instead of saying "stop yelling" (focus on him: that he stop) you should say "I'm not ready to be yelled at" (focus on me: I'm not ready).
Sentences of an assertive person contain the word "I!" And not the word "you" always start a sentence in the first person - "I" - but not aggressively. It is important to emphasize the expression of the positive and negative emotions, without blaming the other person.
The goal law -
To get to a certain place, we have to understand where we want to go (targeting in the right direction). To do this, we must seriously decide on a goal, and ask ourselves a number of questions under six rules:
| Rules for setting a goal | Measures for a properly designed target |
|
1. What would I like to achieve _________. 2. When do I want it_________. 3. Is the achievement of the goal under my control _________. 4. Why is the goal important to me (as many details as possible) _________. 5. Is the goal ecological _________. 6. What is stopping me from getting what I want right now _________. 7. What are the resources and abilities I have that can help me achieve my goal _________. 8. What are the resources I need to strengthen to achieve my goal _________. 9. What is the first thing that will happen, that will make me realize that I have accomplished my goal? _________. |
Law of Empathy-
Each of us has his own world map (a certain way of thinking): you have a different world map and the person in front of you has a different world map. The principle of empathy means to enter the world map of the person in front of you (ask yourself what is the most important point for him) and think about what the problems are from his point of view. Also, think about what points he has that may hinder you from achieving your goal. Now that you understand his point of view, act in a way that doesn't hurt him.
Act with a "win win situation" approach - I win, you win. As opposed to compromise - we both give up.
The law of reaction intensity-
We must invest as little energy charge as possible to achieve our goal. As much calmness, comfort and security as possible.
Broad view - Chunking Up -
Understanding the purpose or intention of a certain thing. For example: a car - is in a broad view transportation. The more the employee has a broader view (sees the good of the business, the whole, the way and the goal of the business) the easier it will be for his superiors to promote him, in contrast to those who have a narrow view (individual, small and limited - "Why did I work more", "Why Only I don't have…”).
That way, we can know if our goal is wise - we have to ask ourselves why we want to achieve our goal. When we arrived at the answer, we must ask again - why do we want the answer we gave, and continue like this several times, to see if it is what we want.
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